A melted heart can't be broken.

Valentine's Day is fast approaching.  It isn't my favorite holiday, but I do like seeing all the red and pink everywhere.  The many heart sightings got me thinking - about my H and how sometimes he says something, and it feels like my heart just melts.


(http://ohhappyday.com/2013/01/tree-heart-installation/)

Like last Sunday, when I was done lounging on the couch for the day, I headed to bed (I took lazy Sunday to a whole new level).  While I was going down the steps I got an idea.  I paused to be sure I was out of sight to H who was still sitting on the couch.  Above me was the ledge where the embryo photo had been sitting.  I took our little photo and pretended it was a puppet.  I picked it up, shuffled it back and forth, and then the puppet said, "Hey!  Hey you!"  I peeked to see if H had turned his head.  He had, so the puppet continued, "Um, I was wondering... do you want to be my Dad?"  I was giggling by this point, so I peeked again to see if H was smiling too.  When I do something wacky he usually just laughs and tells me I'm crazy.  For a second, I wondered if I shouldn't be joking around with our blasto baby photo because H wasn't laughing.  He simply replied, in the most sincere tone, "Yes, I'd like that very much."  I put the puppet down, popped back out of sight, and teared up for a second.  This was one of those times when he says something and it makes my heart melt.  When I felt more composed I looked back at H and said, "I'd like that very much too."


(my puppet talked kind of like this muppet)

What H has shown me, over the last few months especially, is that I really hit the husband jackpot.  Awareness of this gives me a lot of peace while we wait for our news because I believe, deep down, that he and I will be okay no matter what.  We'll get through whatever news we get and at the end of this journey, either way, I'll have H.  Will bad news make me sad beyond my wildest nightmare?  It probably will.  But, will my heart irreparably break?  I don't think so.  H (and our family and friends) will be there, to help keep it feeling whole.  I try to remember this each time I get scared.



No one gets a perfect life.  Mine certainly isn't.  I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy.  I've learned, however, that despite this hardship I  can seize the opportunity to see the good above all else.  Some days that's easier than others.  Next time I'm down, I'm going to re-read this post.