Worry outweighs Happy.

It's been a long week.  On Monday, I developed a severe case of bloating.  My stomach was larger than I thought humanly possible.  On Tuesday, it wasn't much better.  My vigiliant husband suggetsted I contact the doctor's office.  The nurse determined I should come in for an ultrasound.  To H, and to her, it seemed as though I had a condition known as Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS).  My appointment was Wednesday morning.  Since that was just two days before the previously scheduled Friday pregnancy test, they said I could do that on Wednesday as well.

 

(my stomach looks and feels a lot like this)

At the appointment the doctor confirmed that I have OHSS.  In short, my ovaries are overstimulated and are secreting fluid all over the place.  My case is mild, but it is something they'll keep an eye on ( more ultrasounds!).  In all, I was at SGF for about an hour - out by 9am.  Then the wait came - the blood is sent to a lab, the lab sends the results to SGF, and SGF calls me.  Our call came at 2:30pm.  "I have good news," the nurse said, "You're pregnant!"  H and I had her on speaker phone.  I started crying and couldn't speak.  H seemed stunned and wasn't speaking either.  It was awkward.  I'm not sure we reacted the way she expected.  I managed to tell her thank you and sorry for not talking because I was overcome with emotions.  My mom, in town for a few days, was just a few feet away listening to the call too.  She walked over to give us a hug.  The nurse continued, and gave us our beta number (this is measured every couple/few days).  I heard her say they hoped for a level of 100 and then I don't remember much.  I got the gist-  mine was higher than that and I am pregnant.  I hugged H, cried and said, "We did it."  Then, almost immediately, the joy (and I was over joyed) passed.  Fear set in.  Will the pregnancy last?


Since then, I've been a stress case.  I didn't exactly dream of that moment that someone would utter - "You're Pregnant" (always keeping my expectations in check), but I did at least think I'd be on cloud nine if someone did say that.  In reality though, I'm anxious.  The anxiety is compounded by the fact that I don't feel pregnant - at all.  I have no signs, don't have any symptoms, and other than the bloated stomach and stress, I feel pretty normal.  I'm desperate for this blasto baby (or whatever stage it is now) to hang out in  me and then this world for a good long forever and am wondering when I can stop feeling nervous and start being excited.

It's Friday, another ultrasound and blood test for me.  The fluid is down.  But, more importantly (to me, anyway), my Beta is up.  Today it is 641.  While the nurse was on the phone I asked what Wednesday's number was (since I forgot to listen) - it was 294.  They like to see the number at least double, so we're doing well so far.  I have another blood test on Monday and probably another one sometime after that.  Maybe I'll feel less nervous about being excited after we see a heart beat.  I'm hopeful and happy, I promise, there's just a lot of other concerned emotions too.

Enjoy the holiday weekend everyone.  I'm glad to be entering it on a high note.