Angels

When I was little, there was a small plaque in my bedroom with the following prayer:

Angel of God,
my guardian dear,
to whom God's love commits me here,
ever this day,
be at my side
to light and guard,
to rule and guide.

I used to recite the words when I fell asleep at night.  I knew that prayer long before I knew Hail Mary and other commonly known prayers.  Thinking of angels brought me comfort.  I guess I've always believed in them. 

Not too many days ago, my treasured grandmother Sweetie passed away.  She'd been battling Scleroderma for over a decade.  She was often in pain and her life had changed drastically.  I marveled at her will to live, but also sometimes wondered why she didn't more easily go to be with her beloved husband, my Papa, in heaven.  Sweetie and Papa were devout Catholics and my first role models for the importance of faith.   They married young and raised four children.  They celebrated over 50 years of marriage.  They were an amazing couple.  They defied the odds with dignity and love.  Even though I know she longed to be with Papa again, perhaps Sweetie was waiting for just the right moment to give her strong, invaluable spirit to someone else.   I wonder if perhaps she held on to her life just long enough to pass some of her soul on to the new life in me.  Was that God's plan?  It just might have been.  Her passing coincides almost exactly with the moments when new life was forming in me.  H and I have a little embryo that has been a fighter, beating the odds,  just like Sweetie.  I can't help but think it isn't all coincidental; it's providential too.

This little baby embryo surely has an angel in heaven just for him or her.  I will forever thank God for that guardianship, even though right now my heart aches over the loss of my dear grandma.  I've loved her, with all my heart, for my whole life.  I miss her already, but will do my best to be strong despite the grief.  Now more than ever I want to meet the little person who I believe will carry on some of Sweetie's best qualities - love, perseverance, and faith.  I am trying to push all that worry I've been talking about aside and beginning to trust that this new life is in the hands of God and in those of a new angel.  I have renewed hope, it's been a common theme in this blog, it's gotten me this far, and it is also Sweetie's name.  Here's to Hope.


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