But wait ... what about adoption?

At some point in early November I called SGF to make an appointment with our doctor.  Dec. 20th was the first available date.  Appointments aren't that easy to come by when you're pre-IVF cycle.  There were reasons I wanted things underway asap ... and it wasn't just because I wanted to know if we'd get pregnant.  IVF affects adoption.  Did you know that?  I didn't.



Aside from the home decorating I was doing, I also worked on coming to terms with an unsuccessful IVF attempt.  When I face something difficult I like to think of the worst case scenario and then make myself feel better about it, or think of a back up plan.  In order to be at peace with a negative pregnancy result, I focused on the possibility of adoption.  By "focused," I mean I convinced myself that adoption is awesome (I still believe that).  Deep down to my core I believe that adoption is a blessing (just like pregnancy) and that we'd be great adoptive parents.  I was feeling really good about a worst case scenario because it wasn't bad at all.  It would be a gift.  Hurray for my brilliant thinking!



Then logic stepped in (i.e., my husband).  "We need to learn more about this," he said.  I signed us up for an adoption info session.  We arrived at the agency to discover that the info session would last the entire morning, a detail that had escaped my attention.  Whoops!  Good thing they provided breakfast.  I got some muffins, scanned the room, and wondered what their stories were until the session started.  We listened to the process for domestic adoptions, we listened to the process for international adoptions, we listened to the process for  older children adoption.  We listened for four hours.  We walked away realizing that adoption is no easy thing.  It takes time.  It takes some luck.  It takes patience.  It wasn't exactly the savior I'd built it up to be.  There is no guarantee of a child.  To top it off, they ask that you finish your IVF journey before starting your adoption journey.  That didn't sit well with me.  Every time I hear about waiting a calculator goes off in my head and I worry that I'm too old to be dealing with waiting.  36 + maybe 1/2 year of IVF + possibly 2 years of adoption process ... may as well = 40.  I hate to think of it.  It scares me.



The bright side was that at least we had our appointment date and it really wasn't that far away.  Adoption would have to be put on hold for now.